Christmas Cards From G Unit

It’s the holiday season and the rap world celebrates too! Last night was Yule Prog, an annual holiday rap show hosted by Uncommon Nasa and Backwoods Studios. Always a well attended event with a great line-up. And we've gotten a few Christmas cards from (married) rappers as well. Turns out they sign their real names on Christmas cards. But the best card still has to be from G Unit. Yes, the actual rap group. Before Paul went freelance, he used to manage a major recording studio in Manhattan and apparently got on G Unit’s Christmas card list.

This card should come with a parental advisory warning. But it’s so ridiculous, that I just can’t take it seriously. The cover of the card features the group holding guns and standing around a bloodied and bruised Santa with the caption “Violent Night”. 50 Cent looms over Santa wearing a jacket decorated with skulls and phrases like “war machine” and “built for war”. And then randomly between the Christmas tree in the background and the wrapped present in the foreground… there is a busted TV? I can’t figure out why it’s there.

The interior message is a reworked version of the Twelve Days of Christmas lyrics. G Unit style, of course: “12 careers ended, 11 million sold, 10 cases beat, 9 more million sold, 8 Rolls Royce Phantoms, 7 clips full, 6 brown paper bags, 5 years on top, 4 hundred million, 3 mansions deep, 2 guns tucked, and only 1 Ferarri F 50”. Definitely better than a bunch of turtledoves and pipers piping.

And then when I thought it couldn't get any better, I flipped to the back of the card- a Christmas tree with logos and handguns as the ornaments and with police tape and ammunition clips as the garlands. But the best part is the caption: “Have a safe holiday season!”. In case you were confused by all the weaponry and references to violence, G Unit still wants to remind you to be safe.

We couldn't get enough of it. It’s so disturbing and hilarious and way too amazing to ever throw away. So Paul hung it on his wall of rap memorabilia in his studio.

Also, I think we've been decorating our Christmas tree all wrong. Next year, we’re getting gats.

Starring Paul as Black Santa

The staff at Greenlight loved helping
with our scavenger hunt

My sister has been planning a “surprise day” as her Christmas present to me, Paul and two of her closest friends for months now. This Saturday, we all met at Maria’s apartment (except for Paul who had another assignment) and she revealed that we were going on a scavenger hunt through Brooklyn. Maria LOVES planning these kinds of things. We, on the other hand, may have been a little skeptical. 

She gave us the first of our clues (which were all written in rhyme by the way) that led us to Brooklyn Kolache Co. where we had kolaches and our next clue waiting for us. From there we went to Greenlight Bookstore where we received books, and then to Green Grape where we picked up wine. The next clue led us to my apartment where we found Paul dressed as Santa Claus. Oh yes. Full suit, beard and stuffed belly. It was amazing. He even did a santa voice.

Check out the kicks on Santa /
Lenore wants to know who the
hell this guy is

Since Paul had agreed to the Santa suit on condition that he didn’t have to go into public, he changed back into regular clothes to join us as we finished the hunt. The last clue led us to one of our favorite bars, Crown Inn, where the bartender had our drink order ready to go. After drinks, we headed back to Maria’s apartment where we knew to expect a nice homemade dinner. But what we weren’t expecting was a roomful of our closest friends too. It was the best surprise to come into after what ended up being an amazing day full of surprises.

It was a great Saturday, but the scavenger hunt took us all over Brooklyn. We walked from Crown Heights to BedSty to Clinton Hill to Fort Greene to Prospect Heights and back to Crown Heights. So Sunday we stayed in and took it easy. And Paul, having found that the Santa pants were actually quite comfortable, now has a new pair of pants that he wears around the house.