It’s the holiday season and the rap world celebrates too! Last night was Yule Prog, an annual holiday rap show hosted by Uncommon Nasa and Backwoods Studios. Always a well attended event with a great line-up. And we've gotten a few Christmas cards from (married) rappers as well. Turns out they sign their real names on Christmas cards. But the best card still has to be from G Unit. Yes, the actual rap group. Before Paul went freelance, he used to manage a major recording studio in Manhattan and apparently got on G Unit’s Christmas card list.
This card should come with a parental advisory warning. But it’s so ridiculous, that I just can’t take it seriously. The cover of the card features the group holding guns and standing around a bloodied and bruised Santa with the caption “Violent Night”. 50 Cent looms over Santa wearing a jacket decorated with skulls and phrases like “war machine” and “built for war”. And then randomly between the Christmas tree in the background and the wrapped present in the foreground… there is a busted TV? I can’t figure out why it’s there.
The interior message is a reworked version of the Twelve Days of Christmas lyrics. G Unit style, of course: “12 careers ended, 11 million sold, 10 cases beat, 9 more million sold, 8 Rolls Royce Phantoms, 7 clips full, 6 brown paper bags, 5 years on top, 4 hundred million, 3 mansions deep, 2 guns tucked, and only 1 Ferarri F 50”. Definitely better than a bunch of turtledoves and pipers piping.
And then when I thought it couldn't get any better, I flipped to the back of the card- a Christmas tree with logos and handguns as the ornaments and with police tape and ammunition clips as the garlands. But the best part is the caption: “Have a safe holiday season!”. In case you were confused by all the weaponry and references to violence, G Unit still wants to remind you to be safe.
Also, I think we've been decorating our Christmas tree all wrong. Next year, we’re getting gats.
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